i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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