mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize