Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
