ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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