I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
