Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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