i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize