so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
