you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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