I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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