im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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