ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
