SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
