she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Terrible idea I love it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
