i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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