every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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