fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
