I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
