Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
