Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
