where does the pee come out of this thing
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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