please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You made out with two different species that night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Panties = found
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
