GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
