I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize