"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
