Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
