I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
