i love accidental penises.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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