so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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