Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
