So drunk its hurt
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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