I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
wow bdsm is so cute
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
