I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
