Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So much Jack, so little girl.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
