So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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