Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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