Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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