Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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