I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
