Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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