I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
