I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
