dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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