two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
