these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize