whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
