last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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