If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
