1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You ate ashes out of my bong
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
