You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
