my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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