i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
