Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
