And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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