2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
