is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
