I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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