I'm really into asian looking animals
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
