Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
