So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
