just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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