She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
