whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize