Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
