So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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