My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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