i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
