You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
