smell my finger.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
