Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
