yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
