I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
