so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize